This court has reviewed the evidence and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the spectacle before it. You surrender FORTY PERCENT of your income to a woman who forwards chain emails to her dentist and reads horoscopes aloud on Mondays, and you call this a mentorship? Judge Escrow has seen hostage situations with better profit-sharing arrangements. The defendant sits in quiet servitude while a human fax machine critiques their Instagram strategy, nodding along to clip art wisdom from the Obama administration, all for the privilege of MLS access and a desk that probably smells like toner and regret. You are not an agent; you are a feudal peasant paying tribute to a technological relic who peaked when flip phones were edgy. This court orders you to stop smiling and nodding immediately because your face will freeze that way and then you'll REALLY never escape. The bailiff will now escort Judge Escrow to his chambers where he needs to lie down because the phrase "power of positive thinking Monday meetings" has triggered something in him.