This Court has witnessed many crimes against truth, but telling a seller there was "lots of interest" when the only genuine interest expressed was in ACQUIRING THEIR DOG and YOUR PHONE NUMBER reaches new heights of professional delusion. The defendant stood in that kitchen, adjusting a fruit bowl that did not need adjusting, while a marriage dissolved before their eyes, and STILL managed to compose a text message that could have been written by a chatbot programmed exclusively on toxic positivity. Judge Escrow himself once hosted an open house where a visitor asked if the basement was "suitable for his purposes" and then winked, and even HE did not retreat to his vehicle to consume baked goods in shame. The Instagram influencer treating the primary suite as her personal content studio, the bathroom cookie thief, the aspiring dog-purchaser—these are not buyers, these are CHARACTERS FROM A FEVER DREAM. Yet the defendant typed "great turnout" with their own fingers, their own soul, their own rapidly deteriorating grip on what words mean. This Court must adjourn immediately as I am feeling unwell.