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CONFESSION #0003 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Friday, March 14, 2025
I had a buyer tell me their budget was $400K, so I spent three weekends showing them homes in that range. After the twelfth showing, they casually mentioned they'd actually been pre-approved for $650K but "wanted to see what was out there" in the lower price point first. When I asked why they didn't mention this sooner, they said they "didn't want to feel pressured." Pressured by whom? Me? The person who just burned 40 hours of my life showing you homes you were never going to buy? They then asked if I could show them everything in the new range "by this weekend" because they just found out the wife's mother was moving in and they needed more space urgently. The same mother-in-law situation that apparently existed the entire time they were wasting my gas money looking at three-bedroom ranches. I smiled, said "absolutely," and then screamed into a throw pillow in my car for a solid two minutes before driving home.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF PREMEDITATED BUDGET CONCEALMENT AND AGGRAVATED TIME THEFT IN THE FIRST DEGREE
This Court has witnessed many atrocities but FEW rise to the level of what can only be described as recreational agent torture. Your clients engaged in what Judge Escrow recognizes as "exploratory home browsing with malice aforethought" - they KNEW about the mother-in-law, they KNEW about the $650K, and yet they dispatched you across this land like some sort of real estate Roomba programmed only for suffering. The throw pillow scream was not only justified but frankly showed remarkable restraint; this Court would have accepted a full primal howl in a Wendy's parking lot. The audacity of requesting WEEKEND availability after revealing they wasted forty hours of your mortal existence suggests these people believe time is a renewable resource FOR OTHERS but precious for themselves. Judge Escrow must adjourn immediately as he is experiencing what his cardiologist calls "empathy-induced palpitations."
The Budget Betrayal
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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