This Court has presided over many cases of seller delusion, but RARELY has Judge Escrow witnessed such a magnificent descent into maritime paranoia. The defendant stands accused of enabling—nay, SURVIVING—a client who believes a stationary recreational vessel constitutes neighborhood warfare. Seventeen calls in one day about a boat that committed the unforgivable crime of existing in a driveway. This Court notes with some alarm that the seller accused the agent of conspiring with neighbors she met six weeks ago through ZILLOW, as if Zillow were some sort of shadowy intelligence network connecting real estate operatives with boat-owning saboteurs. The price swing from negative fifty thousand to positive twenty thousand in six hours suggests the seller is not operating from a spreadsheet but from a ouija board. Judge Escrow must commend the defendant for noting that the boat is, in fact, quite nice—this detail reveals a soul not yet broken. The Court needs a recess and possibly a lake house.