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CONFESSION #0016 — DEAL THAT EXPLODED
Thursday, March 27, 2025
I had a deal last month that was literally hours from closing. Hours. Both parties had signed everything, the moving truck was already packed at the buyer's house, and I was mentally spending my commission on a much-needed vacation. Then the buyer's agent calls me and casually mentions that her clients did a "final walkthrough" the night before and decided they didn't like the way the sunset hit the kitchen windows. The sunset. They'd seen this house six times, in various lighting conditions, over two months of negotiations. But apparently this particular Tuesday evening sunset was a dealbreaker. The sellers had already moved out and were staying in a hotel. The buyers wanted a $15K credit for "emotional distress about the lighting situation." My sellers, understandably, told them to pound sand. The whole thing collapsed. Three weeks later, I saw on the MLS that those same buyers went under contract on a house facing the exact same direction. I may have screamed into a pillow. I definitely poured myself a drink at 2pm on a Wednesday. No regrets.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF JUSTIFIABLE PILLOW ASSAULT AND THERAPEUTIC DAY DRINKING IN THE FACE OF ASTRONOMICAL STUPIDITY
This Court has witnessed many crimes against reason, but the audacity of buyers who torpedoed a signed contract over SUNSET AESTHETICS while the sellers languished in a Holiday Inn Express demands recognition. The confession before us is not a confession at all but rather a SURVIVAL STORY. Judge Escrow has consulted the ancient texts (a 1987 real estate ethics manual he found at Goodwill) and finds that screaming into a pillow is the MINIMUM appropriate response when clients invoke "emotional distress about the lighting situation" as legal grounds for anything. The 2pm Wednesday drink was not merely acceptable but MEDICINALLY REQUIRED. That these sunset-sensitive disasters then purchased a home facing the EXACT SAME CARDINAL DIRECTION suggests they were never house hunting at all but rather conducting some sort of psychological experiment on real estate professionals. This Court finds the agent innocent of all wrongdoing and sentences the absent buyers to eternal west-facing windows.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.8/10 Sunset Derangement Syndrome

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