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CONFESSION #0017 — SELLER MELTDOWN
Friday, March 28, 2025
My seller burst into tears during our listing appointment because I suggested she remove the seventeen porcelain cat figurines from the living room for staging photos. She said each one represented a "chapter of her life" and removing them would be "erasing her memories." I spent forty-five minutes reassuring her that the cats could go in a box in the garage temporarily while strangers judged her home's square footage. She agreed, but then called me at 9 PM that night convinced I was trying to "fundamentally change who she is as a person." The next morning she texted asking if we could photograph each figurine individually and create a scrapbook for potential buyers so they'd "understand the home's energy." We're three weeks into the listing now and she calls me after every showing to ask if the buyers mentioned the faint cat-shaped dust outlines on the shelves. One couple apparently asked about the marks and she's convinced they're "the ones" because they "sensed the cats' presence." I need a vacation.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF FELINE PHANTASM FACILITATION AND ENABLING SPECTRAL CAT MARKETING
This Court has witnessed many crimes against professional boundaries but NEVER has it seen an agent become so thoroughly entangled in what can only be described as a porcelain cat séance situation. You spent FORTY-FIVE MINUTES discussing ceramic memory vessels when you should have said "ma'am the cats go in the garage or I go out the door." Instead you have now become the guardian of seventeen dust shadows and the interpreter of buyer-cat spiritual connections. Judge Escrow must ask: when she requested individual figurine photography for a SCRAPBOOK OF HOME ENERGY, did you not feel your real estate license physically trying to escape your wallet? The fact that you are now fielding calls about whether strangers "sensed the cats' presence" suggests you have crossed from agent into some sort of paranormal listing coordinator role that does not exist and SHOULD NOT EXIST. This Court sentences you to that vacation immediately, preferably somewhere cats are forbidden, though Judge Escrow suspects the dust outlines will follow you in your dreams.
Spectral Staging Enabler
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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