This Court has seen many things in its distinguished tenure, but rarely has it witnessed such a pristine specimen of mathematical fantasy. The defendant's buyer—and yes, this Court will say his name, KEVIN—submitted an offer twenty percent below asking in a competitive market and expected what, exactly? A parade? The listing agent's single emoji response represents more judicial efficiency than this Court has ever achieved, and I am DEEPLY ENVIOUS of their restraint. Kevin believed "everyone negotiates" as if real estate operates on the same principles as haggling over a used kayak at a garage sale. The defendant is hereby EXONERATED of all charges, their patience canonized, their sanity questioned only for spending three weeks accommodating someone whose "very specific availability windows" were clearly just gaps between episodes of whatever gave him these ideas. Kevin, if you're reading this, and this Court suspects you are not a reader, the sellers weren't playing hardball—they were playing "literally any other offer." I need to go lie down in a dark room and think about the listing agent who got to send that emoji.