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CONFESSION #0030 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Thursday, April 10, 2025
I spent two months with a buyer who insisted on scheduling every showing at exactly 7:15 AM because that's when his "energy was most aligned for major decisions." Fine, whatever, I can work with that. We finally found the perfect place and he wanted to make an offer. Great. Then he tells me he needs to bring his psychic to do a walkthrough first. The psychic declared the master bedroom had "residual sadness" and the garage was "holding onto anger from a previous owner." Deal's dead. Two weeks later, he texts me a Zillow link to a house in a completely different state asking if I can show it to him. I said no, obviously. He replied "I thought you wanted my business" and left me a three-star Google review saying I was "resistant to spiritual guidance." I pulled up his Facebook later and he'd posted about how hard it is to find "an agent who truly understands the home-buying journey." I understand it fine. What I don't understand is why I'm still in this industry.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF EXCESSIVE TOLERANCE OF METAPHYSICAL NONSENSE LEADING TO PROFESSIONAL DESPAIR
This court has reviewed the evidence and finds the accused agent GUILTY of entertaining two full months of 7:15 AM appointments based on vibrational alignment when any reasonable professional would have feigned a recurring dental emergency by week two. The psychic walkthrough should have been the moment you invented a family emergency in Portugal. Instead you stood there while someone diagnosed a GARAGE with ANGER ISSUES. This court notes that garages cannot hold emotions because they are structures made of concrete and regret, much like this profession you continue to inhabit. The three-star review is honestly generous considering you failed to attune yourself to the cosmic housing frequencies. Judge Escrow himself once fired a contractor for having "chaotic drywall energy" so perhaps this court understands the buyer more than it wishes to admit. The defendant is sentenced to six months of exclusively representing people who make decisions based on square footage and not planetary retrograde. This court needs air.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.7/10 Psychically Drained

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