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CONFESSION #0031 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Friday, April 11, 2025
I have a client who sends me listings she finds on Zillow at 2 AM with messages like "why didn't you show me this one?" I've explained at least fifteen times that I set up a portal that sends her every listing that matches her criteria the moment it hits the market. Every. Single. One. But she doesn't trust "the system" so she manually scrolls Zillow every night and sends me the same houses I already sent her, except three hours later, demanding explanations. Last week she sent me one and said "this is EXACTLY what I'm looking for and you never mentioned it." I pulled up my sent folder and forwarded her my email about that exact property from six days earlier. Her response? "Well I get a lot of emails." She also keeps asking if I can get her into homes that are "off market" because she heard that's where the real deals are. Ma'am, you won't even open the emails about the homes that ARE on the market. What am I supposed to do, break into houses that aren't for sale?
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF SYSTEMATIC EMAIL NEGLIGENCE ENABLING AND NOCTURNAL ZILLOW REDUNDANCY TOLERANCE
This Court has reviewed the evidence and finds itself in a state of PROFOUND JUDICIAL DISTRESS. You have constructed a technological marvel, a portal of pristine efficiency that delivers listings with the swiftness of a caffeinated falcon, and your client has responded by treating it like a decorative napkin. Judge Escrow has seen many things from this bench but a buyer who demands off-market properties while refusing to acknowledge on-market emails is a special category of chaos that makes this Court want to lie down in a field. You forwarded the proof, Agent, you showed her the receipts, and she said "I get a lot of emails" as if that were YOUR problem and not a confession of her own organizational BANKRUPTCY. The off-market request is particularly delicious because this woman cannot be trusted to process homes that are actively begging to be sold, yet she wants you to become some kind of residential cat burglar sniffing out secret properties. This Court rules that you must continue your service with dignity but you are hereby authorized to mutter under your breath whenever you see a 2 AM timestamp. I need to step away from this docket immediately.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.8/10 Portal Denial Syndrome

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