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CONFESSION #0037 — LOWBALL OFFER
Thursday, April 17, 2025
I submitted an offer for my buyers last week that was already at the top of their budget. Reasonable offer, good terms, quick close. The listing agent calls me back and says the sellers are "offended" and won't even counter. Fine, whatever, it happens.
Two weeks later, same listing agent sends me a price reduction alert. They dropped it fifteen grand below what my clients offered. So I call her up, resubmit the same offer, thinking surely now we're in business.
She calls back and says the sellers are still offended. By the SAME offer that's now ABOVE asking price.
I asked her to explain the math. She couldn't. She just kept saying they "didn't like the energy" of my buyers' offer the first time and don't want to work with them.
The energy. Of a purchase agreement. A stack of papers with numbers on it.
The house is still sitting there sixty days later. My buyers found something else and closed two weeks ago. But every time I drive past that listing sign, I whisper "how's that energy working out for you" like the petty professional I've become.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF THERAPEUTIC DRIVE-BY WHISPERING IN THE FIRST DEGREE
This Court has reviewed the evidence and finds the defendant GUILTY of conducting ritualistic verbal exorcisms at a residential property they have no legal interest in. The sellers rejected an offer because they did not like its ENERGY, as if your buyers' purchase agreement arrived wearing a crystal necklace and smelling of patchouli. Judge Escrow has seen many things in his distinguished career but never has he witnessed a listing agent defend sellers who are, and the Court uses this term precisely, MATHEMATICALLY HOSTILE TO THEIR OWN FINANCIAL INTERESTS. The defendant's descent into whispered petty vindication is not only understandable but frankly shows admirable restraint given that this Court would have been tempted to roll down the window and shout the days on market at the lawn sign. Your buyers closed in two weeks while these sellers sit trapped in a prison of their own vibes, and the Court finds this to be the most delicious form of cosmic justice available under current zoning laws. This ruling is final and the Court must now go lie down.
Energetic Malpractice
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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