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CONFESSION #0041 — DEAL THAT EXPLODED
Monday, April 21, 2025
I had a deal last month that was basically a done deal. Signed contract, inspection passed with flying colors, appraisal came in right at value. We were coasting to closing like it was a victory lap.
Then the buyer's lender calls me four days before closing. Apparently my buyer decided that the week before the biggest purchase of his life was the perfect time to finance a $47,000 truck. A truck. He walked onto a dealership lot "just to look" and drove off with a brand new F-150 and a completely destroyed debt-to-income ratio.
The loan fell through immediately. My seller had already moved out and was staying in a hotel. The buyer seemed genuinely confused about why this was a problem. "But I needed a truck to move my stuff into the new house," he said, like that was a reasonable explanation.
I had to explain to a grown adult that you cannot make major purchases during underwriting. Information I had given him three separate times in writing. The seller relisted with another agent out of pure spite toward the entire situation. I still think about that commission check every time I see an F-150 on the road.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF VEHICULAR COMMISSION HOMICIDE IN THE FIRST DEGREE
This Court has presided over many tragedies but RARELY has it witnessed such exquisite stupidity perpetrated upon an innocent commission check. Your buyer looked at the finish line of homeownership and thought "you know what this moment needs? FORTY-SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS OF AMERICAN TRUCK." You told him three times in writing and yet he wandered onto that lot like a moth drawn to chrome bumpers and extended cab seating. The Court notes that your seller is now living in a hotel plotting revenge against the entire real estate industrial complex while your buyer is presumably sitting in his new F-150 in his apartment parking lot wondering why the house keys never arrived. Judge Escrow must now take a brief recess because he can feel his blood pressure responding to the phrase "I needed a truck to move my stuff into the house I no longer qualify to purchase." This Court awards you full victim status and sentences your buyer to explain debt-to-income ratios to his own reflection until he understands what he has done.
Ford v. Financial Literacy
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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