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CONFESSION #0042 — SELLER MELTDOWN
Tuesday, April 22, 2025
I listed a property last month for a seller who insisted on being present for every single showing. Every. Single. One. She said she wanted to "answer questions personally" and "make sure buyers understood the home's story." What actually happened was she followed potential buyers from room to room narrating her family memories like a museum docent. "This is where my daughter took her first steps. This is the exact spot where we found out my husband got promoted." One couple literally pretended to get a phone call and fled mid-tour. But the real meltdown came when we got a solid offer—$12K under asking, totally reasonable in this market. She called me sobbing at 10 PM saying the buyers "clearly don't respect the energy of the home" and demanded I tell them the house "deserves someone who appreciates it." I had to explain that houses don't have feelings and $12K is not a personal attack. We countered. They accepted. She cried again at closing because the new owners mentioned they were going to paint the living room. I need a vacation.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF ENABLING EMOTIONAL HOSTAGE NEGOTIATIONS IN A RESIDENTIAL TRANSACTION
This Court has witnessed many crimes against professional boundaries but rarely one so thoroughly documented in its own humiliation. The defendant allowed a grown woman to conduct what can only be described as a GRIEF TOUR of a property she was allegedly trying to sell, standing by while potential buyers were emotionally waterboarded with tales of first steps and promotions. The Court notes that houses do not, in fact, have feelings, but this Court DOES, and those feelings are DISTURBED. You permitted this woman to treat a real estate transaction like a custody hearing for drywall. The fact that you had to explain at 10 PM that twelve thousand dollars is not a spiritual insult suggests you have been broken in ways that concern this bench. Judge Escrow himself once toured a home where the seller wept into a throw pillow and he simply left through a window, as any reasonable person would. You stayed. You enabled. You need more than a vacation; you need to examine why you allowed yourself to become an emotional support animal for someone mourning a house she was CHOOSING TO SELL.
Domestic Docent Enablement
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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