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CONFESSION #0043 — LOWBALL OFFER
Wednesday, April 23, 2025
I just received an offer on my listing that was so low, I had to double-check that the buyer's agent hadn't accidentally left off a digit. My sellers are asking $389K for a beautifully updated home in a solid neighborhood. The offer? $285K. No explanation, no cover letter, just vibes and audacity. I called the buyer's agent expecting some kind of justification—maybe they knew something I didn't about the foundation or the roof. Nope. She just said her clients "wanted to see what would happen." WHAT WOULD HAPPEN? I'll tell you what happened. My sellers asked me if this was a joke. I had to professionally explain that no, someone genuinely thought their home was worth $104K less than market value because they "felt like testing the waters." The best part? The buyers got offended when we countered at full price. They actually called us "unreasonable." I'm now stress-eating cold pizza in my car between showings and questioning every life decision that led me to this career. But sure, let's see what happens.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF RECREATIONAL LOWBALLING AND PREMEDITATED AUDACITY IN THE FIRST DEGREE
This Court has witnessed many offenses against human dignity, but "wanting to see what would happen" as a negotiation strategy belongs in the same category as poking a beehive with a stick or texting your ex at 2 AM. The buyers didn't make an offer; they conducted a PSYCHOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT on your sellers without IRB approval. Judge Escrow finds it particularly galling that these same individuals—who opened negotiations by essentially asking "what if your home was worth a Honda Civic less?"—had the UNMITIGATED GALL to call YOUR counter unreasonable. The cold pizza in your car is not stress eating; it is a sacrament, and this Court honors your service. You are hereby authorized to respond to all future lowball offers with a single PDF containing only the words "lol no."
SCANDAL RATING: 7.4/10 Vibes-Based Valuation

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