This Court has seen many things in its distinguished career, but NEVER has it witnessed such a flagrant violation of basic transactional dignity. Forty-seven homes. FORTY-SEVEN. That is not house hunting, that is a hostage situation with better lighting. And yet the true criminal here walked in from out of state, gazed upon a perfectly functional ceiling fan performing its ONE JOB, and declared its spinning energy unacceptable. Judge Escrow must ask: what spin would have satisfied this woman? Counter-clockwise? Diagonal? A gentle hover? The Court finds the buyer guilty of Spineless Capitulation Under Maternal Pressure, the mother guilty of Long-Distance Sabotage With Intent to Exhaust, and the ceiling fan innocent of all charges — it was simply doing rotations as God intended. This Court hereby orders the agent to invoice the mother directly for eight months of emotional labor, and mandates that all future buyers submit a notarized Family Interference Disclosure Form before viewing property number TWELVE, let alone forty-seven. The twitch is now a protected workplace accommodation. Court is adjourned because Judge Escrow needs to go lie down in a room with NO FANS.