This Court has reviewed the evidence and finds itself DEEPLY DISTURBED by the parade of unhinged civilians who descended upon this open house like locusts with buyer's remorse they hadn't even earned yet. Forty-five minutes in a bathroom testing "energy flow"? The only energy flowing was this agent's will to live, directly into the sewer system where that toilet apparently faced the WRONG COSMIC DIRECTION. The cookie thief who inquired about purchasing the family dog and then pivoted to cryptocurrency is exactly the type of person Judge Escrow would sentence to mandatory financial literacy classes if this Court had any actual jurisdiction, which it does not but that has never stopped me before. The granite countertop screaming match is simply further proof that marriage is a battlefield and real estate is the ammunition. This agent smiled through four hours of unpaid therapy sessions disguised as property viewings, and the Court finds that heroism of this magnitude deserves recognition, or at minimum, a stiff drink and a locked door. I need to lie down.