Advertisement
CONFESSION #0088 — SELLER MELTDOWN
Saturday, June 7, 2025
I spent three weeks preparing my seller for pricing her home correctly. Showed her every comp, explained the market conditions, walked her through why her "upgrades" from 2008 weren't adding the value she thought. She agreed to list at $425k. We shook hands. I ordered the sign.
The night before we went live, she called me sobbing because her book club friend said she should be asking at least $500k since "real estate is basically free money right now." This friend, by the way, has never bought or sold a home in her life and gets her market analysis from TikTok.
So now my seller wants to "test the market" at $489k, and when I tried to explain that overpricing leads to longer days on market which leads to lower final sale prices, she accused me of "not believing in her home."
I'm going to list it at $489k. We're going to sit for 47 days. We're going to do two price reductions. We're going to sell it for $418k. And in six months she's going to tell everyone at book club that her agent "really dropped the ball."
Advertisement
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF PREMEDITATED SURRENDER TO THE BOOK CLUB INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX
This Court has witnessed many capitulations in its distinguished tenure, but rarely one so thoroughly documented in advance. The accused KNEW the outcome with the certainty of a prophet, yet chose to lie down before the altar of a woman whose real estate credentials consist entirely of a TikTok algorithm and a Chardonnay-fueled opinion delivered between chapters of whatever they're reading this month. You have become an accomplice to your own professional assassination. The friend who has never bought or sold a home now controls your commission, your timeline, and apparently your spine. This Court finds it PARTICULARLY GALLING that you have already written the obituary for this listing, complete with the 47-day death march and the inevitable book club slander, yet you proceed anyway like a man walking willingly into a wood chipper because someone told him there might be networking opportunities inside. Judge Escrow must take a brief recess to recover from the sheer preventable tragedy of it all.
Complicit In Own Defamation
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
Advertisement