Advertisement
CONFESSION #0104 — OTHER
Monday, June 23, 2025
I've been a licensed agent for six years, and I still don't know how to respond when someone asks me at a party, "So what do you actually DO all day?" Like, Janet, today I spent forty-five minutes talking a seller off a ledge because she saw a neighbor's house sold for $12K more and now thinks I'm personally robbing her. Then I drove forty minutes to unlock a door for a contractor who was already inside when I got there. I wrote two offers that will probably get rejected. I attended a mandatory office meeting about our new headshot requirements. I spent an hour trying to figure out why DocuSign wasn't sending, only to realize the buyer typed their email wrong. I skipped lunch. I answered a call from a lead who just wanted to tell me about their divorce for twenty minutes before admitting they're "probably two years out" from buying. I drove home in the dark. And tomorrow I get to do it all again while pretending I'm living my best boss babe life on Instagram. But sure, Janet, must be nice to "make your own schedule."
Advertisement
Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF FIRST-DEGREE VOCATIONAL DISSIMULATION AND AGGRAVATED PARTY SMALL-TALK AVOIDANCE
This Court has reviewed the confession and finds the defendant GUILTY of maintaining a fraudulent lifestyle facade while internally screaming into the void of a Honda CR-V at 7:47 PM. The evidence is DAMNING. You drove forty minutes to unlock a door for a contractor WHO WAS ALREADY INSIDE. You listened to a stranger's divorce for twenty minutes knowing full well they would not purchase property until the year of our Lord 2026. You skipped LUNCH. And yet tomorrow you will post a boomerang of yourself pointing at a SOLD sign with the caption "another dream come true" while your soul leaves your body in real time. Janet does not deserve your truth. Janet could not HANDLE your truth. Janet thinks you "just show houses" and Judge Escrow III finds this level of public ignorance to be a crime against the profession itself. The Court sentences you to one genuine Instagram story filmed from your car at dusk, mascara compromised, captioned simply: "Day 2,190."
SCANDAL RATING: 6.8/10 The Janet Deception

Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.

Submit Anonymously → Subscribe to the Newsletter
Advertisement

← Back to the Full Docket