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CONFESSION #0107 — LOWBALL OFFER
Thursday, June 26, 2025
I just wrote up an offer for my buyers at $120,000 under asking. They insisted. I explained the comps, showed them the recent sales, pointed out that the house was actually priced fairly for the neighborhood. Didn't matter. "That's our number," they said. "The market is shifting." The market is not shifting that much. I sent it anyway because that's my job, and the listing agent called me within an hour. She didn't yell, which was almost worse. She just sighed and said, "I'm going to present this to my sellers, but I want you to know I debated not calling you back at all." My sellers—sorry, my buyers—are now shocked that we didn't get a counter. They wanted to know if we should "go up a little." A little. We're six figures apart and they want to add $5,000 to show good faith. I'm meeting them again tomorrow to discuss "strategy." I'm going to need a stronger coffee. Or maybe something stronger than coffee.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF MATHEMATICAL TERRORISM AND AGGRAVATED CLIENT DELUSION ENABLEMENT
This Court has seen many things in its distinguished tenure, but rarely has it witnessed such a spectacular collision between client confidence and basic arithmetic. Your buyers have constructed an alternate reality where $5,000 bridges a $120,000 chasm, and YOU, agent, have become their reluctant tour guide through this fever dream of negotiation. The listing agent's SIGH—that single, weary exhalation—shall echo through the halls of this courthouse as Exhibit A in the case against humanity's grasp of numbers. Judge Escrow III notes that "strategy sessions" conducted under these circumstances are simply expensive group therapy where everyone pretends the math will eventually cooperate. This Court sentences you to that meeting tomorrow, which is punishment enough, and formally recommends whatever is stronger than coffee because brother, you have EARNED it.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.4/10 Delusional Decimal Disorder

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