I spent three months with a buyer who insisted she wanted a "move-in ready" home with "no work needed whatsoever." Fair enough. Showed her dozens of beautiful, updated properties. Granite counters, new floors, fresh paint, the works. She rejected every single one. Too updated. Felt "sterile." Wanted something with "character." Okay, so I pivoted. Started showing her homes with original hardwood, vintage details, some cosmetic updating needed. She loved them. Made offers on two. Both times, after inspections, she backed out because—and I quote—"there's too much work needed." Last week she sent me a Zillow link to a 1920s bungalow that's been sitting vacant for three years, has visible foundation issues, and is listed "as-is, where-is." Her message said "This one feels right. It just needs a little love." I'm going to need a lot of wine before I respond to that text. She wants move-in ready with character but no updates and also vintage charm but nothing that requires work. If anyone figures out what that actually means, please let me know. I've started questioning my entire understanding of the English language.