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CONFESSION #0139 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Monday, July 28, 2025
I showed a couple 47 homes over three months. Forty-seven. I kept a spreadsheet because I knew no one would believe me otherwise. They rejected every single one for increasingly bizarre reasons. Too many windows. Not enough windows. The neighbor's mailbox was ugly. One house had a "bad energy spot" in the hallway that only the wife could feel.
Finally, they found THE ONE. Perfect layout, perfect neighborhood, perfect price. I was ready to celebrate. Then they asked me to find out what the current owners' zodiac signs were because they "couldn't buy a house from a Scorpio." I wish I was joking.
I made up a lie about the sellers being Libras just to move things forward. We got to inspection and they backed out because the water heater was in the southwest corner of the basement, which apparently disrupts wealth energy according to some YouTube feng shui video they watched.
They texted me last week asking if I was ready to "start fresh" with their search. I told them I was transitioning out of residential real estate. I'm not, but I am transitioning out of working with them.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF ZODIACAL FRAUD AND JUSTIFIABLE CLIENT ABANDONMENT
Let the record show that this Court has reviewed the defendant's spreadsheet of forty-seven rejections and finds it to be a document of profound psychological horror. The confession reveals a clear violation of real estate ethics through the fabrication of astrological credentials for innocent sellers who never consented to being labeled Libras. HOWEVER, this Court must acknowledge that after three months of navigating someone's YouTube feng shui education, the human mind enters a legally recognized state called Buyer Fatigue Psychosis. The water heater was in the southwest corner. THE SOUTHWEST CORNER. This Court once had a water heater in its northeast corner and Judge Escrow's wealth energy has been SPECTACULAR, which proves nothing because none of this is real. The defendant's lie about transitioning out of residential real estate is the most sane thing in this entire confession and this Court wishes it had thought of it first during certain proceedings.
Cosmic Closing Collapse
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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