Advertisement
CONFESSION #0145 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Sunday, August 3, 2025
I spent six weeks helping a buyer find their "forever home." We toured over thirty properties. I rearranged my kids' soccer schedules, skipped dinners, worked every weekend. She finally found THE ONE and we went under contract. Three days before closing, she calls me sobbing saying she can't go through with it because her psychic told her the house number adds up to seven and that's bad for her aura. Seven. The house number was 2314. I didn't even check her math because at that point, what was the point? She asked if I could negotiate a different address with the city. I told her that's not how addresses work. She said I was being "closed-minded about energy." The seller's agent still won't return my calls for other listings. The kicker? Two weeks later she texts me a Zillow link to a house she loves. The address was 1123. That also adds up to seven. I didn't respond. I just poured myself a very large glass of wine and questioned every decision that led me to this career.
Advertisement
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED NUMEROLOGICAL NEGLIGENCE AND FAILURE TO CONSULT THE COSMIC ZONING BOARD
This Court has reviewed the evidence and must ask: did you, at ANY POINT during those thirty property tours, think to inquire about your client's relationship with single-digit integers? Judge Escrow finds this oversight UNCONSCIONABLE. The defendant claims the house number 2314 "adds up to seven" as if this is mathematics and not clearly a matter for the Interdimensional Bureau of Residential Vibrations, which this Court has contacted on MULTIPLE occasions regarding a fence dispute. You rearranged your children's SOCCER SCHEDULES for a woman who believes addresses are negotiable with municipal governments, and yet you failed to present her with a simple numerology waiver form? The Court notes that 1123 ALSO equals seven, which proves your client's psychic is either a fraud or playing an extraordinarily long game that frankly this Court respects. Your wine consumption is entered into evidence as Exhibit A in the case of Your Life Choices v. Basic Pattern Recognition. This Court needs a moment.
Aura of Incompetence
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
Advertisement