This Court has witnessed many indignities in its tenure, but rarely has it encountered such AUDACIOUS NUMERICAL FICTION presented with the solemnity of a genuine real estate transaction. The buyer "feels" the home is worth $289,000? Judge Escrow also "feels" he should be appointed to the Supreme Court, yet here we remain, bound by the cruel constraints of REALITY. This offer represents a 32% discount negotiated entirely through the power of delusion, then sweetened with demands for appliances and a decorative mirror as if the seller should be GRATEFUL for the opportunity to be robbed in broad daylight. The listing agent's composure in presenting this phantasmagoria constitutes either profound professionalism or evidence of a dissociative episode. The buyer's agent claiming her client is "very motivated" is technically accurate in the same way a raccoon breaking into your garage is "motivated" to find the trash. This Court must adjourn immediately as Judge Escrow feels his blood pressure reflecting a number he does not care for.