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CONFESSION #0153 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Monday, August 11, 2025
I showed a couple a house last Tuesday that checked every single box on their must-have list. Four bedrooms, updated kitchen, big backyard, great school district, under budget. The wife literally teared up in the primary suite and said "this is the one." The husband was already planning where his grill would go on the patio. I'm mentally calculating my commission, feeling great about life. Then they ask to see the garage one more time. They stand there in silence for about forty-five seconds. The husband turns to me and says, completely serious, "The garage faces east. I need a west-facing garage so my car doesn't get morning sun." They walked away from their dream home because of which direction the garage faced. The garage had no windows. His car would never see the sun. I tried to explain this. I drew diagrams. I offered to get a compass. Didn't matter. Now they want to start the search over with "west-facing garage" as the new top priority. I've shown them eleven more houses. None of them have west-facing garages because that's not a thing people normally care about.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED PATIENCE IN THE FACE OF ASTRONOMICAL STUPIDITY
This Court has presided over many cases of client delusion but THIS ONE has caused Judge Escrow to require a brief recess to lie face-down on his chambers floor. The garage had NO WINDOWS. NO WINDOWS! The sun could not reach this man's precious vehicle unless it developed the ability to phase through solid matter like some kind of AUTOMOTIVE GHOST. You drew DIAGRAMS and they still walked away from a home that made a grown woman weep with joy. This Court finds the real estate agent guilty only of not simply saying "Sir that is not how garages or sunlight or basic physics work" and then leaving them in that driveway forever. The eleven subsequent showings constitute a form of self-harm this Court cannot condone. Judge Escrow hereby sentences you to tell these people the truth: that west-facing garages are not a category recognized by architecture, God, or the MLS. I need to go sit in my own garage now and think about what humanity has become.
SCANDAL RATING: 7.4/10 Garage of Darkness

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