Advertisement
CONFESSION #0154 — BROKER DRAMA
Tuesday, August 12, 2025
My broker just sent out a company-wide email congratulating our "top producer" for the third month in a row. Funny thing is, this agent hasn't actually closed a single deal herself in over a year. She just happens to be dating the broker's son, so every transaction that comes through the front desk mysteriously gets assigned to her team. Meanwhile, I'm out here grinding seven days a week, brought in eleven closed deals last quarter, and I get a gift card to Applebee's at the holiday party. The same denomination as the receptionist who started in October. Last week I overheard the broker telling her she should "consider getting her broker's license soon" because she has "natural leadership qualities." Her natural leadership quality is showing up late to team meetings in a new BMW. I've been at this brokerage for six years and I'm currently interviewing at three competitors. When I put in my notice, I'm going to be very professional about it. But I'm definitely taking my entire client database with me, which is perfectly legal and absolutely deserved.
Advertisement
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF NEPOTISTIC THEFT OF GLORY IN THE FIRST DEGREE
This Court has witnessed many travesties but rarely one so brazen as the conversion of romantic entanglement into commission checks. The accused broker has constructed what Judge Escrow can only describe as a BOYFRIEND LAUNDERING OPERATION wherein affection is deposited and closed transactions are withdrawn. Eleven deals and you received an Applebee's gift card? The same establishment where the riblets are perpetually two for one? This Court is PHYSICALLY ILL. The suggestion that this paramour possesses natural leadership qualities is an insult to both leadership AND nature, as even wolves select their alphas through demonstrated competence rather than access to the pack leader's offspring. Take your database. Take it ALL. This Court rules that client relationships cultivated through your own labor belong to you morally if not legally and frankly Judge Escrow needs to lie down because the BMW detail has sent him into a spiral from which recovery is uncertain.
Romantic Commission Fraud
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
Advertisement