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CONFESSION #0176 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Wednesday, September 3, 2025
I spent an entire Sunday driving a buyer around to twelve different properties. Twelve. We started at 9 AM and didn't finish until after 6 PM. I skipped lunch. I smiled through every single showing even when she spent forty-five minutes measuring closet depths with a tape measure she brought from home.
At the end of the day, exhausted and starving, I asked her what she thought. She looked me dead in the eyes and said she wasn't actually ready to buy yet, she just wanted to "get a feel for the market" before she decides whether to maybe start looking seriously next year. Next year.
Then she asked if I could send her listings every day so she can "stay informed" and wanted to know if I'd be available to show her more homes next weekend. For educational purposes.
I sat in my car in a grocery store parking lot for twenty minutes after dropping her off, eating a gas station hot dog and questioning every career decision I've ever made. My husband asked how my day went and I just started laughing. Couldn't stop for like three minutes.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF INVOLUNTARY SERVITUDE TO A MARKET RESEARCHER POSING AS A BUYER
This Court has witnessed many crimes against the real estate profession, but TWELVE PROPERTIES for someone conducting what amounts to a SOCIOLOGY EXPERIMENT? The audacity. The sheer EDUCATIONAL AUDACITY. This woman brought a tape measure from home, Your Honor notes with barely contained hysteria, as if she were planning to actually LIVE somewhere instead of writing a dissertation on American closet dimensions. The confession describes a gas station hot dog consumed in a parking lot while questioning existence itself, and Judge Escrow finds this to be the most legally sound decision made that entire day. The Court orders the agent to immediately implement a "curiosity surcharge" of fifty dollars per property for anyone who uses the phrase "get a feel for the market." The husband's question about how the day went shall henceforth be classified as emotional entrapment. This Court needs a moment.
Premeditated Window Shopping
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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