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CONFESSION #0180 — SELLER MELTDOWN
Sunday, September 7, 2025
I spent six weeks preparing my sellers for their listing. We did the pre-listing inspection, fixed everything, staged the house beautifully, priced it perfectly. First weekend, we got three offers. One was fifteen thousand over asking with zero contingencies. I called them excited, thinking we'd be celebrating. Instead, the wife started sobbing and said she "wasn't ready to let go of the breakfast nook where the kids used to do homework." The husband then accused me of "rushing them" even though they called ME in January saying they needed to sell by summer. They rejected all three offers. Then they called me Monday morning furious that the buyers had moved on and demanding to know why I "let them get away." I explained that's what happens when you reject offers. They asked if I could call the buyers back and "see if they're still interested but maybe come up a little higher this time." We've now been on the market for forty-seven days. They've reduced the price twice and are currently blaming the photos. The photos that the wife approved after requesting eleven retakes because the throw pillows looked "too terracotta."
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED BREAKFAST NOOK SENTIMENTALITY IN THE FIRST DEGREE
This Court has witnessed many crimes against real estate, but REJECTING A FIFTEEN THOUSAND OVER ASKING OFFER BECAUSE OF HOMEWORK NOSTALGIA is a new frontier of buyer-created suffering. The audacity of these sellers to accuse you of "rushing them" when they initiated contact in JANUARY demanding a summer close date has caused Judge Escrow to briefly lose feeling in his left hand. And now they want you to call back the spurned buyers and ask them to COME UP HIGHER? This Court once saw a man try to return a house after closing because he didn't realize it faced west, and even HE showed more self-awareness than your terracotta-pillow-obsessed clients. The breakfast nook is not a family member. The breakfast nook does not have feelings. The breakfast nook would like to belong to someone who actually wants to sell this house. You are sentenced to forty-seven more days of this, which is somehow both the punishment and the crime. This Court needs to lie down.
SCANDAL RATING: 7.4/10 Nook of Delusion

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