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CONFESSION #0181 — BROKER DRAMA
Monday, September 8, 2025
My broker just implemented a new policy where we have to log every single client interaction in the CRM within 24 hours or we get a "friendly reminder" email that CC's the entire office. The entire office. So now everyone knows when I'm slacking, and Karen from the top producers table makes passive-aggressive comments in the break room about "accountability."
Meanwhile, this same broker hasn't updated our website since 2019, still has headshots of three agents who left for Compass two years ago, and takes six weeks to process commission checks because "the accountant only comes in on Tuesdays."
But sure, let me spend 45 minutes documenting that my buyer texted me a thumbs up emoji in response to a showing confirmation. That's definitely the best use of my time.
Last week he sent a team-wide email about "building a culture of excellence" and I literally watched him microwave fish in the office kitchen while I read it. The audacity of this man knows no bounds.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED HYPOCRISY TOLERANCE IN THE PRESENCE OF MICROWAVED FISH
The Court has reviewed this testimony and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the image of a man nuking tilapia while typing the words "culture of excellence" with his other hand. This Court has presided over confession after confession of agent misconduct, but rarely have We witnessed such a pristine specimen of brokerage buffoonery being endured by the accused. You are guilty not of the CRM complaints, which are valid, but of continuing to work for a man who CC's the entire office on shame emails while maintaining a website that functions as a digital missing persons board for Compass recruits. The fish, counsel. THE FISH. Judge Escrow requires a moment. This Court sentences you to either confront this chaos or admit you enjoy the drama, because nobody logs thumbs-up emojis for 45 minutes unless they're also writing manifestos in the group chat. Case dismissed, the Court needs air.
The Tilapia Tyrant Defense
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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