This court has seen agents break in many ways but never before has one systematically RUINED THE OCEAN ITSELF through professional conditioning. The defendant has transformed herself into a human flinch response, a walking demonstration of what happens when an entire industry decides that being reachable means being PERPETUALLY AVAILABLE FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL AMBUSH. Judge Escrow must note that the husband's suggestion of a different career, while reasonable, fails to account for the fact that the defendant has now poisoned so many sounds that she would carry this trauma into any profession involving telephones, waves, wooden instruments, or presumably silence itself since that just means the phone HASN'T rung YET. The carrier pigeon proposal is denied on the grounds that the defendant would simply develop anxiety around cooing within six weeks. This court sentences the defendant to one full weekend with her phone locked in her husband's car while she sits somewhere aggressively quiet and remembers what it felt like to exist before the marimba came for her soul.