This Court has witnessed many crimes against common sense, but rarely has it seen a dream home executed with such GLEEFUL AUTOMOTIVE PRECISION. The defendant's buyer committed premeditated loan destruction, purchasing a $65,000 steel coffin for his own approval letter while the ink was still wet on nothing because THERE WOULD BE NO INK. Judge Escrow has consulted the ancient texts and found no precedent for someone needing to "haul stuff to the new house" when the direct consequence of that need ELIMINATES THE NEW HOUSE FROM EXISTENCE. The circular logic here is so profound that this Court briefly considered whether we had stumbled into a philosophy seminar rather than a real estate confession. The image of this man driving his shiny truck around the apartment complex he still inhabits is not tragedy, it is POETRY, the kind Shakespeare would write if Shakespeare had a Zillow addiction and a drinking problem. This Court must adjourn immediately as Judge Escrow needs to lie down in a dark room and contemplate the void.