This Court has witnessed many offenses against the sacred institution of property valuation, but rarely has one so brazenly attempted to renegotiate the very concept of currency itself. The buyer's agent invoked HGTV as a comparable source, and this Court must pause to collect itself because JUDGE ESCROW DOES NOT RECOGNIZE CHIP AND JOANNA GAINES AS EXPERT WITNESSES. A 2019 build with smart home features being described as "needing updating" suggests the buyers believe homes should be rebuilt annually like hermit crab shells. The confession reveals you maintained a straight face while presenting this numerical hallucination to your sellers, which demonstrates either profound professionalism or the dissociative skills of a combat veteran. Your counter at full asking was petty, procedurally unnecessary, and this Court applauds it with the enthusiasm of a thousand gavels. The phrase "meet in the middle" has been permanently stricken from the record because the middle between their offer and reality exists only in theoretical physics.