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CONFESSION #0235 — DEAL THAT EXPLODED
Saturday, November 1, 2025
I had a buyer who made an offer after seeing the house once. Just once. I nearly cried tears of joy. We negotiated back and forth, got it under contract, and everything was smooth. Inspection came back clean, appraisal was perfect, loan was fully approved. We were five days out from closing when the buyer called me at 9 PM to say he'd been "doing some thinking" and realized the commute to his job would be "spiritually draining." The house was twelve minutes from his office. Twelve. I asked if he meant the traffic, the route, anything concrete I could work with. He said no, he'd driven it twice at different times and it was fine, but the direction of the drive "faced away from the rising sun" and he felt that was a bad omen for his career growth. The seller had already packed half their house. Their kids had said goodbye to their friends. I spent two hours on the phone trying to understand what was happening and honestly I still don't. He's now looking at houses forty-five minutes away but facing east. I need a vacation.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF SURVIVING ASTRONOMICAL NONSENSE WITH HEROIC RESTRAINT
This Court has presided over many chambers of madness but TWELVE MINUTES facing the wrong direction of a CELESTIAL BODY has shattered what remained of Judge Escrow's faith in the residential transaction process. You shepherded this buyer through inspection, appraisal, and loan approval only to be defeated by the Earth's rotation. THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST FOR EVERYONE, SIR. The Court notes with profound judicial grief that this man rejected a twelve-minute commute to pursue FORTY-FIVE MINUTES of eastward spiritual alignment, which means he will spend an additional hour and six minutes daily in his vehicle contemplating the sunrise like some kind of highway druid. The seller's children said goodbye to their friends. Judge Escrow must now say goodbye to this docket for the afternoon because his chambers suddenly feel spiritually draining.
SCANDAL RATING: 7.8/10 Heliocentric Heresy

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