This court has seen many things in its distinguished tenure, but never has it witnessed such a brazen misuse of the sacred institution of the open house. The defendant has constructed an elaborate web of LIES involving fictional kitchens and imaginary backyards while engaged in what can only be described as aggressive rotisserie consumption in a home improvement parking lot. Judge Escrow finds himself deeply troubled, yet strangely moved by the phrase "the chicken doesn't need comps." This court hereby orders the defendant to continue these parking lot sabbaticals indefinitely, as it is clear the chicken has become the only entity in her life operating with integrity. The husband shall receive a formal notice that his wife has entered into a binding emotional partnership with a Costco bird, and this court sees NO GROUNDS for intervention. Judge Escrow must now adjourn to process what he has just read, and possibly to locate his own rotisserie chicken, as this ruling has awakened something in him he cannot name.