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CONFESSION #0278 — DEAL THAT EXPLODED
Sunday, December 14, 2025
I had a deal fall apart last month because the buyer's mom "had a bad dream" about the house. We're talking accepted offer, earnest money deposited, inspection passed with flying colors, appraisal came in at value. Everything was perfect. Then three days before closing, my buyer calls me sobbing and says her mother dreamed that the basement flooded and ruined her grandmother's antique furniture. The house doesn't even have a basement. It's a slab foundation. I pointed this out, thinking surely logic would prevail. Nope. The mom doubled down and said the dream was "symbolic of hidden problems" and threatened to disown her daughter if she went through with the purchase. My buyer walked away, lost her earnest money, and I got to explain to my seller why we were back on the market because of a nightmare about a room that literally does not exist. The seller's agent called me three times to confirm this was real. I wish I was creative enough to make this up. I've started asking buyers upfront if any relatives have prophetic dreams. Only half joking.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF PERMITTING DREAM-BASED DUE DILIGENCE IN A TRANSACTION GOVERNED BY ACTUAL REALITY
This Court has witnessed many affronts to the practice of real estate, but never before has a transaction been torpedoed by REM-cycle reconnaissance of a ROOM THAT DOES NOT EXIST. The accused agent stood by while a mother conducted what can only be described as astral projection home inspection, discovering water damage in a basement that exists exclusively in the dream realm. Judge Escrow must ask: did the mother also dream about the comparative market analysis? Did she receive the seller's disclosures via nocturnal transmission? This Court finds it ABSOLUTELY UNCONSCIONABLE that earnest money was forfeited to appease a woman who has apparently confused real estate with tarot reading. The agent now screens for prophetic relatives, which Judge Escrow reluctantly endorses, though this Court shudders to imagine the intake form. I need to lie down in a room that actually exists.
SCANDAL RATING: 7.4/10 Subconscious Sabotage

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