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CONFESSION #0291 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Saturday, December 27, 2025
I've been working with a buyer for four months who sends me listings at 11 PM with messages like "thoughts??" and then gets upset when I don't respond until morning. But that's not even the issue. The issue is that every single house we tour, she brings her mother, her sister, her best friend, and sometimes a rotating cast of coworkers. They all have opinions. Loud ones. Last week we're in a beautiful three-bed, two-bath, perfect for her budget, great school district, and her sister goes "I don't know, the energy feels off" and her mom says the kitchen reminds her of her ex-husband's house. The coworker nobody introduced me to said the yard was "giving prison." My buyer loved it. Called me the next day to say she'd talked it over with everyone and they decided to pass. I asked what she thought. Long pause. "I mean, I liked it, but they made some good points." We're now on house number twenty-three. Her lease is up in six weeks. I've started stress-eating granola bars in my car between showings.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF INVOLUNTARY SERVITUDE TO A COMMITTEE OF CHAOS
This Court has witnessed many crimes against professional dignity, but rarely has it seen an agent so thoroughly held hostage by what can only be described as a roving tribunal of vibes. The yard was "giving prison"? THE YARD WAS GIVING PRISON?? This Court would like to know what credentials authorize a random coworker to assess yard energy. The mother's ex-husband's kitchen is not a legal comparable and should be stricken from all future deliberations. Your buyer has essentially outsourced her entire decision-making apparatus to people who will not be paying the mortgage, living in the house, or suffering the consequences of eternal lease limbo. The granola bars are a symptom of a deeper wound. This Court hereby orders you to implement a strict "two humans maximum" touring policy or accept that you are no longer a real estate professional but rather a tour guide for a judgment cruise that will never dock. Judge Escrow must adjourn immediately as he is suddenly feeling the energy in this courtroom is OFF.
Democracy Dies in Darkness (And Open Houses)
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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