This Court has reviewed the evidence and finds the defendant GUILTY of superhuman restraint in circumstances that would have broken lesser mortals. Let the record show that a man who flipped ONE DUPLEX in 2019 had the audacity to present himself as an authority on anything other than regret. This Court has seen war crimes prosecuted with less damning evidence than a seven-year-old water heater that WAS FUNCTIONING PERFECTLY. The cousin destroyed a fully executed contract, caused a seller to rage-quit the entire housing market, and then—AND THEN—attempted to distribute business cards as if he had done something other than commit financial arson. Judge Escrow himself once had a distant relative offer "investment advice" and that relative now lives in a storage unit he purchased as a "micro-home opportunity." The defendant's crime is not anger but the absence of it. You took that card. You SMILED. This Court finds such restraint deeply suspicious and possibly evidence of a dissociative episode. Case dismissed, this Court needs air.