This Court has witnessed many affronts to the sacred institution of real estate, but the practice of CURB ENERGY ASSESSMENT represents a new frontier of madness that Judge Escrow cannot and will not abide. You have spent THREE MONTHS chauffeuring a man who believes garden gnomes are CHARACTER WITNESSES and that visible trash receptacles constitute grounds for property dismissal. The defendant opened ZERO closets, your Honor reminds himself aloud, ZERO CLOSETS, yet claims psychic knowledge of plumbing infrastructure. This Court finds that you are not a real estate agent but rather a very expensive Uber driver for someone conducting séances from the passenger seat. The confession reveals you have asked no clarifying questions about "curb energy" because deep down you know the answer would BREAK YOU. Judge Escrow sentences you to immediately text this buyer that you have located a property with "transcendent curb energy" and when he arrives it is simply a photograph of a house taped to a mailbox and we shall see what his gift tells him then.