This Court has witnessed many things from its bench, but never before has it been asked to adjudicate a case where Mercury's orbital patterns have been cited as a legitimate pricing strategy. The defendant-seller has committed what this Court can only describe as EMOTIONAL TERRORISM WITH CELESTIAL CHARACTERISTICS. You, confessor, have become an unwitting participant in a hostage situation where the hostage is also the hostage-taker and the ransom demands change based on planetary alignment. Judge Escrow III finds it deeply troubling that this woman believes you are secretly working for buyers when the only entity you are clearly working for at this point is your own therapist's retirement fund. The sage certification suggestion is not entirely without merit, as this Court believes the only way to sell this property may indeed involve ancient rituals and possibly a goat. This Court rules that you are GUILTY of continuing to answer your phone and hereby sentences you to block her number between the hours of 11 PM and 7 AM, because Judge Escrow has SEEN what retrograde texting does to a person's soul.