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CONFESSION #0305 — DEAL THAT EXPLODED
Saturday, January 10, 2026
I had a deal last month that was three days from closing. Three days. Both parties had signed everything, the inspections were done, the appraisal came in fine, we were literally just waiting for the final walkthrough. Then the buyer's agent calls me and says her clients drove by the house at night and saw the neighbor had a political yard sign they disagreed with. They wanted to back out. Over a yard sign. That would be gone in two weeks after the election anyway. I spent four hours on the phone trying to save this deal. Called the listing agent, called my broker, even looked up whether we could somehow ask the neighbor to temporarily remove it, which of course we couldn't and shouldn't. They walked away and forfeited their earnest money. Eight thousand dollars gone because of a yard sign for a local school board candidate. My sellers had already packed their entire house and put a deposit on their new place. I had to make that call. I sat in my car for twenty minutes before I could dial. Sometimes this job makes me question everything.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF WITNESSING DEMOCRACY DESTROY A MORTGAGE
This Court has seen transactions collapse over foundation cracks, over mold, over the discovery of a body buried beneath the gazebo, but NEVER over the electoral preferences of an adjacent property owner. The buyer forfeited EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS because a neighbor expressed a constitutionally protected opinion about WHO SHOULD OVERSEE LOCAL EDUCATIONAL POLICY. Judge Escrow must take a moment. The Court finds the confessor guilty only of being a witness to the absolute deterioration of rational behavior in the American housing market. You sat in your car for twenty minutes before making that call, and frankly the Court is surprised you ever got out. The sellers had PACKED THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE. Their belongings were in BOXES. And somewhere, a school board candidate has no idea they personally detonated a real estate transaction. This Court is adjourning early because Judge Escrow needs to go remove every sign from his own well-maintained lawn before someone refuses to buy the house three blocks over.
Electoral Yard Carnage
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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