This court has witnessed many forms of client-induced psychological warfare but FORTY-THREE UNLISTENED VOICE MEMOS represents a hostage situation and the hostage is your sanity. The defendant has not merely tolerated abuse but has BECOME the abuse, pacing in garages like a caged animal recording retaliatory audio missives about GARBAGE DISPOSALS. Judge Escrow himself once received a four-minute voicemail from his dry cleaner and had to take a personal day. Your husband asked if you were okay and the answer echoing through that garage was NO, NO YOU ARE NOT, and everyone including the neighborhood dogs who surely heard your inspection timeline monologue knows this. The court finds it particularly damning that you excused yourself to a BATHROOM to receive urgent intelligence about a kitchen appliance from a tour that occurred in a previous geological era. You have forty-three tiny play buttons haunting you and each one is a small death. This court sentences you to airplane mode for seventy-two hours and may God have mercy on your voicemail box because Judge Escrow certainly will not.