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CONFESSION #0317 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Thursday, January 22, 2026
I've been working with a buyer who refuses to see any house that doesn't "feel right" based on the listing photos. Sounds reasonable, right? Except her criteria for what feels right changes daily. Monday she only wants natural light. Tuesday she's convinced south-facing windows will fade her furniture. Wednesday she needs a big yard for her dog. Thursday she mentions she doesn't have a dog but might get one someday, possibly a Great Dane, possibly a Chihuahua, so we need to plan for both scenarios. Last week she rejected a perfect house because the kitchen had white cabinets and she'd just read an article that white cabinets are "over." I gently reminded her that she could paint cabinets. She looked at me like I'd suggested she perform open heart surgery on herself. Yesterday she told me she's "pausing" her search because Mercury is in retrograde and it's not a good time to make major decisions. I asked when Mercury would be out of retrograde. She said three weeks. I've already blocked that time off in my calendar for what I'm calling "aggressive self-care."
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF ASTROLOGICAL ABANDONMENT AND CABINET-BASED COWARDICE
This Court has witnessed many failures of professional fortitude, but blocking three weeks of calendar time because a PLANET is moving in a DIRECTION it ALWAYS MOVES takes the celestial cake. The buyer is not the problem here. The buyer is a force of nature, like weather, or a Great Dane that might be a Chihuahua. You are the licensed professional who apparently forgot that part of your job is translating chaos into contracts. Judge Escrow himself once closed a deal during a solar eclipse while Mercury was doing a full backflip through Scorpio, and the only thing that faded was his patience. Paint the cabinets. Walk the imaginary dog. But do NOT come into this courtroom claiming you need three weeks of aggressive self-care because your client reads horoscopes. This Court is taking a brief recess to scream into a throw pillow.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.4/10 Retrograde Retreat Disorder

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