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CONFESSION #0328 — LOWBALL OFFER
Monday, February 2, 2026
I wrote up a lowball offer last week because my buyers were convinced they were "negotiating geniuses." House was listed at $550,000, priced right for the market, multiple showings already. They wanted to offer $465,000. I explained comps. I explained the market. I explained that the sellers would probably be insulted. They told me they'd "read some books on negotiation" and knew what they were doing.
So I submitted it. What else can you do?
The listing agent called me twenty minutes later and just sighed into the phone. Didn't even say hello. Just sighed. Then she said, "My sellers asked if your buyers accidentally left off a digit." I had to pretend I didn't find that hilarious.
My buyers were shocked when their offer was rejected without a counter. Shocked. They asked if we could "try again with a more reasonable number." I said sure, what were they thinking? They said $470,000.
I'm now on my fourth glass of wine and it's a Tuesday. These people have graduate degrees. I've seen the diplomas on their wall. I don't understand how this is my life.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF ENABLING NUMERICAL DELUSION IN THE FIRST DEGREE
This Court has reviewed the evidence and finds itself DEEPLY TROUBLED by the systematic coddling of what can only be described as negotiation cosplay. The accused claims helplessness—"what else can you do?"—as if the laws of physics required transmission of an offer that insulted mathematics itself. You submitted $465,000 on a $550,000 property because your clients read BOOKS? Judge Escrow has also read books. Judge Escrow once read a book about surgery and yet SOMEHOW resisted the urge to remove his neighbor's appendix. The listing agent's sigh should be entered into evidence as Exhibit A in the case of Why This Industry Drinks. And now these diploma-bearing savants return with $470,000 as if adding five thousand dollars to an insult creates an apology? The Court notes the accused is four glasses deep on a Tuesday and finds this to be the most reasonable behavior in the entire confession. This Court needs a moment.
Educated Fools Enabled
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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