This Court has witnessed many breakdowns in its distinguished tenure, but rarely has it seen a human soul shatter so completely over hardware that costs less than a sandwich. The defendant spent FORTY-FIVE MINUTES counseling a grown woman through a psychological crisis triggered by the phrase "loose doorknob," and instead of billing for therapy services, simply absorbed this madness into their being like some kind of emotional sponge. Judge Escrow finds this enabling behavior deeply troubling, yet the Court MUST acknowledge the defendant's restraint in not mentioning that the seller's 2019 DIY doorknob installation was clearly inadequate given its LOOSENESS. The sticky note campaign that followed represents a war crime against hospitality, and the defendant's decision to LAUGH at the photographic evidence with the opposing agent constitutes conduct unbecoming but entirely understandable. This Court is now going to turn very gently toward its chambers because apparently that is how we handle things now. "It's the principle" will echo in my nightmares.