This Court has witnessed many crimes against professional dignity, but FORTY-FIVE MINUTES listening to a man from Ohio describe shrubbery he has no legal standing to critique represents a new frontier in self-abandonment. The confession reveals a classic case of what this Court calls "Therapist Employment Insurance" wherein the agent ensures their mental health professional never lacks material. Let the record show that the defendant not only endured the initial horticultural lecture but ALSO provided restaurant recommendations to their captor, thereby establishing themselves as a full-service concierge for the emotionally unmoored. Judge Escrow finds it particularly damning that when this botanical terrorist called BACK to complain about chicken parmesan, the defendant answered. The phone has a button. It is red. It ends calls. This Court suspects the defendant has never located it. Judge Escrow must adjourn immediately as he has received word that his own landscaper has made "creative choices" and frankly this confession has triggered something.