This Court has witnessed many crimes against the real estate profession, but SIX MONTHS and FORTY-SEVEN PROPERTIES constitutes what we in the legal community call psychological waterboarding with a smile. The defendant—and make no mistake, YOUR CLIENT is the defendant here—has constructed an elaborate prison where a single Yelp review from the OBAMA ADMINISTRATION and one child exercising his constitutional right to skateboard near a CHURCH becomes evidence of societal collapse. Judge Escrow III has reviewed the facts and finds that you, the agent, have developed what medical professionals would recognize as Wendy's Parking Lot Syndrome, a condition where the only safe space left is a fast food establishment with no emotional demands. The "youth crime corridor" accusation is PARTICULARLY OFFENSIVE to this Court, as the median resident age of 67 suggests the most dangerous activity occurring is aggressive bridge tournaments. This Court hereby grants you permission to respond to Saturday's text with a simple "I have died" and considers the matter CLOSED. The Frosty consumption is not only excusable but MEDICALLY NECESSARY.