This Court has witnessed many atrocities in its distinguished tenure, but rarely has it beheld such BREATHTAKING audacity as a man who mobilizes an entire army of professionals for his imaginary tax deadline, then asks to "press pause" for a CRUISE. The defendant believes real estate transactions operate like his Netflix account. They do not. Judge Escrow himself once closed on a property during a Category 2 hurricane because that is what COMMITMENT looks like, and this man cannot even commit to his own fabricated urgency. The cologne incident sends this Court into a spiral from which it may not recover—the AUDACITY to marinate oneself in department store fragrance, hotbox an agent's vehicle with it, then cite "weird smell" in a review as if one's own scent trail is not following them like a shameful ghost. The scratchy pen complaint while masticating a breakfast burrito over legally binding documents is a war crime against escrow. This Court must adjourn immediately as Judge Escrow feels his blood pressure becoming unconstitutional.