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CONFESSION #0352 — CLIENT FROM HELL
Thursday, February 26, 2026
I showed a couple 47 houses over three months. Forty-seven. I kept a spreadsheet because I knew eventually I'd need proof for my therapist. After every single showing, they'd find one dealbreaker. Too close to a school. Too far from a school. Backyard faces east. Backyard faces west. Neighbor has a boat in their driveway. You get it. Finally, FINALLY, they found "the one." Perfect in every way. We wrote an offer that night. They were giddy. I was giddy. My car needed new tires from all the driving but I didn't care. The next morning, the wife called to rescind the offer because she'd driven by at 6 AM and saw a cat in the neighbor's yard. They're not allergic. They just "don't trust cats" and felt it was "a sign." They're still looking. With another agent, thank God. I saw on social media they're on house number 72. I've started a small cactus collection to remember the ones that got away. The cactus representing this couple sits alone in the corner because nothing else can survive near it.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF FELONIOUS FELINE FEAR AND AGGRAVATED INDECISION IN THE FIRST DEGREE
This Court has presided over many travesties but FORTY-SEVEN HOUSES followed by rejection based on a NEIGHBORHOOD CAT is the kind of behavior that makes Judge Escrow question the very fabric of reality. The confession clearly establishes a pattern of weaponized pickiness that borders on psychological warfare against a licensed professional. This Court notes with grave concern that the couple has now reached house seventy-two with another agent, which means they are essentially a roving natural disaster moving through the real estate community. The cactus memorial is not only appropriate but should be tax-deductible as a mental health expense. This Court hereby rules that the cat in question was in fact sent by the universe as a WARNING to this agent to FLEE, and the feline performed its duty admirably. Judge Escrow must now take a brief recess to water his own emotional support succulent.
SCANDAL RATING: 7.4/10 The Cat Clause Catastrophe

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