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CONFESSION #0362 — BROKER DRAMA
Sunday, March 8, 2026
My broker has been in a "cold war" with the broker at the agency across the street for three years now. Apparently they had some kind of falling out at a conference in 2021 and nobody will tell me what actually happened. All I know is that whenever we have a deal with their agents, everything becomes ten times harder. Normal negotiation? Nope. Every counteroffer gets personally delivered with a passive-aggressive sticky note. Last week my broker actually made me walk a contract across the street instead of emailing it because she wanted me to "observe their body language." I'm trying to close a deal, not conduct espionage. The worst part is both offices share a parking lot, so every morning is this awkward dance of avoiding eye contact while we all get coffee from the same cart. The coffee guy knows more about this feud than I do. I've been here two years and I still don't know if I'm allowed to say hello to their agents at open houses or if that's considered treason. I just want to sell houses, not navigate the real estate version of Game of Thrones.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF INVOLUNTARY CONSCRIPTION INTO BROKER BLOOD FEUD
This Court has witnessed many injustices but NONE so grave as the weaponization of an innocent agent as a human carrier pigeon in what can only be described as the Hatfields and McCoys of escrow. You are being forced to "observe body language" when the only body language that matters is YOUR OWN as you trudge across that accursed parking lot like a medieval peasant delivering terms of surrender. The coffee cart vendor has become your therapist, your confessor, your only neutral ground in this scorched earth campaign over what Judge Escrow suspects was either a stolen listing or an incident involving karaoke at that 2021 conference. You speak of Game of Thrones but THIS COURT sees something far more sinister: two grown professionals making you choose sides in a war you never enlisted for while you just want to collect your commission and go home. The shared parking lot is your DMZ and every morning you walk it wondering if eye contact constitutes HIGH TREASON. Judge Escrow must adjourn immediately as he is experiencing secondhand workplace hostage syndrome.
Proxy War Prisoner
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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