The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly, Reginald needs a moment. FORTY-SEVEN HOMES. You learned their COFFEE ORDERS. You knew about the sister-in-law situation, which, based on the phrasing, sounds like it involved a Thanksgiving incident and possibly a slow cooker. And they left you for a man whose real estate license is younger than most yogurt in my refrigerator? This Court once spent eleven months courting a leather desk chair on Wayfair, reading reviews, measuring my chambers, only to have my wife purchase a "perfectly fine" chair from HomeGoods without consulting me or The Council, so I understand betrayal on a MOLECULAR LEVEL. The dishwasher was TOO QUIET? That is not a reason, that is a cry for help that you were not professionally obligated to answer. You do not need to start drinking, you need to delete that spreadsheet and then print it out and frame it as a monument to your own patience, and then delete the spreadsheet again. This Court sentences them to a lifetime of suspiciously quiet appliances and hereby declares this case CLOSED because Reginald has dinner reservations he cannot emotionally afford to miss.