The Court has reviewed this confession with the gravity it deserves, which is to say Reginald nearly choked on his morning coffee reading about a twenty-two-day licensee scaling a stranger's home like some sort of business-casual Spider-Man. You GOOGLED how to break into a house while standing in the driveway? In BROAD DAYLIGHT? The audacity! The search history alone constitutes evidence in what I am now calling "The State v. Your Browser History, 2024." And yet, The Court must acknowledge the resourcefulness here — you befriended a neighbor, you found the cat window, you WROTE TWO OFFERS while looking like you had just emerged from light combat. This reminds me of the time I attempted to adjudicate a boundary dispute at a Panera Bread and was asked to leave before I could render my verdict, which I maintain was legally binding despite what the shift manager claimed. Your broker's feedback about the blazer is technically correct but emotionally devastating, and I am entering a formal objection to it on your behalf. The cat window, for the record, has been subpoenaed as a character witness and declined to appear, which The Court finds SUSPICIOUS. Reginald rules that you demonstrated the exact unhinged determination this industry requires, and your sentence is to never tell the seller how you got in, ever, take it to your GRAVE.