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CONFESSION #0388 — TECH MELTDOWN
Monday, March 23, 2026
Okay so the showing was at 10am, I'm there at 9:45 like a professional, and my phone decides that's the perfect moment to do a software update. Not asking. Just doing. So now I'm standing in the driveway with a completely dead screen, no lockbox code, no client's number memorized (because why would I, it's 2024), and the buyers pull up in their Tesla looking at me like I'm supposed to have answers.
I try the code I think I remember. Wrong. Try it again. Lockbox locks me out for 15 minutes.
Meanwhile the listing agent isn't answering because (I found out later) she was on a flight to Denver, and the sellers are apparently inside the house because nobody told them to leave, so when I finally get the code right and open the door we're all just standing there staring at each other, the husband in a bathrobe, the wife holding a very aggressive chihuahua.
My phone finally reboots at 10:47. I have eleven texts from my buyers asking if I died.
Anyway the sellers rejected our offer two days later. Cited "concerns about professionalism." Which, honestly, fair.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED TECHNOLOGICAL DEPENDENCY IN THE FIRST DEGREE, COMPOUNDED BY UNLAWFUL BATHROBE ENCOUNTER AND FAILURE TO MEMORIZE BASIC NUMERICAL SEQUENCES
The Court has witnessed many failures in its distinguished career, but MEMORIZING A FOUR-DIGIT CODE is not exactly asking you to recite the Magna Carta in Latin while juggling flaming disclosures. You stood in that driveway like a scarecrow with a dead rectangle, utterly helpless, while somewhere in the cloud your entire professional identity waited to reboot. And then — THEN — you opened that door to find a man in a BATHROBE, which The Court must note is the universal uniform of someone who was absolutely not informed of anything, accompanied by what you describe as an aggressive chihuahua but what Reginald recognizes as a tiny vessel of justified rage. I myself once forgot my garage code after a particularly intense episode of House Hunters International and had to sleep in my Camry, so I understand the shame, but I did not then attempt to conduct business while a small dog screamed at my ankles. The sellers cited concerns about professionalism and honestly The Court is concerned they were being GENEROUS. Your phone did not betray you — you betrayed yourself the moment you decided that a device that can be bricked by a software update should be the sole custodian of your ability to function as a human being. Reginald has seen enough and must now go charge his own phone because this ruling has made him anxious.
Digital Helplessness Syndrome
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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